The Gym: Part Deux

I've been tricked.
Hoodwinked.
Scammed.
Had one pulled over on me.
Deceived.

And I don't like it. It makes me angry, confused, betrayed and a little bit sad.

That's right, my friends. I was tricked into taking a Step class last night at the gym.

"But Cori, how do you get tricked into taking a Step class at the gym? Don't you normally have to sign up for those things?"

Well, the class that I normally go to had something missing from it- the instructor. She is on vacation this week, which means that we had a substitute. And just like every other substitute in the world, she did not stick to the plan. She decided that Step was a good idea, since she normally teaches Step.

So Step we did.

Until I left about three quarters of the way through, because I had hurt my toe, and was having an asthma attack.

(Which is pretty weird for someone who doesn't have asthma. But it did feel like my throat was closing up, and I did need an inhaler when I got home.)

Note to self: Never take a step class for the rest of my life. It's the Devil, capital D.

Achy Breaky... well, you know the rest...

The worst part about getting your heart broken?

The fact that it takes a while for the dull thump of disappointment to go away.

There is also the world. It expects you to pick everything up and be okay. But it isn't because underneath the exterior of calm contentedness is that dull thump.

thump thump. it hurts. thump thump. why me. thump thump. why now. thump thump.

I did something on Thursday that I never planned on doing- I had a meltdown. I left early because I couldn't keep my chin up. Because I cried on and off for the entire day.

Everyone has been really supportive. "There are more programs," "They're fools," "Try again next year," "Everything happens for a reason."

I appreciate all of the kind words from friends and family. (Well, mostly friends. I've sort of avoided talking to most of my family this weekend. Especially my Grandma. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my Gram, but she's a good little old Jewish lady. So nothing is ever about "I'm sorry, let's move on." It's always more like "I'm sorry, let's wallow in it." And that's just not what I need right now.)

I'm going on. But still, behind everything I do, say or think, there it is.
thump thump. thump thump.

(side note- B and I are fine. I'm under the assumption that hearts break over anything you want badly that doesn't work out for you)

Zen and the Art of Self Disappointment

[written on Tuesday, 9/23/08]

I feel like there comes a time in everyone's life when you've got to do an inventory of yourself.

I'm talking mentally and materially.

This point comes to different people at different times. A large life event is usually used as a jumping off point for this inventory. Sometimes it's a graduation, an engagement, or a funeral. These events don't necessarily have to be your own. This large life event could also only be large to you.

For me, it came in the form of a serious talk.

So I did sometime slightly impulsive and nerve racking: I applied to the Teach for America program. I hope this works out!

[the rest of this post is written on Thursday, 9/25/08]

I got rejected. Today is the worst day in the world.

I don't get to help people. I don't get to work towards a career. I don't get to do anything right now except for answer phones as a crappy receptionist.

I have no clue what I want to do with my life, because I was really counting on this.

I Scratch Your Back...

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that you were able to help a friend.

My friend TAG has been in a pretty crumby mood for the past few days. She bares herself on her blog and someone decided not to think before they commented. There's a preview button there for a reason. Before hitting 'submit,' please have the decency to look at your comment through someone else's eyes. How might your comment be taken? Are you being overly familiar? Are you being flat out rude? These are things that should be taken into account. But this person threw those thoughts out of the window. And (I'm really attempting to not attack them here), they looked like the moron for it.

Since TAG lives in NYC, I can't exactly rush over there to comfort her (I mean, I could try. But being all jittery on a 3.5 hour bus ride isn't the ideal way to get to a friend in need).

I've also been promising her that I would make her a present for a while now. I finally bucked up and made her an apron worthy of entertaining in. I put it in the mail on Monday. Unbeknownst to me, Miss TAG would need a pick-me-up the very next day. She finally got her presie in the mail today, and to quote her, "You made my day. Seriously. It was JUST the pick-me-up I needed."

I love being there for people.

(ps- apron pics to follow)

I Miss Orlando.

Theme Parks are fun for the guests. They have to be, otherwise no one would spend $60 on a ticket for admission along with countless other dollars spent on food, drink and souvenirs. The neat thing is, they're also fun for the employees.

Coming from Orlando, one of the Theme Park capitals of the world, I myself have been a Theme Park Employee. Granted, it wasn't at the most magical place on earth, but it was a hell of a lot of fun. I worked for Universal Studios, which has two kick-ass theme parks and a Cooler than Disney vibe.

My favorite time to work at Universal was for Halloween Horror Nights. The parks just... changed. It might have been the air getting a little cooler, the nights getting longer, or just the buzz about Halloween Horror Nights. No matter what it was, that even seems to seep into the parks, even during the day.

Now, I'm not a big scary movie person. I purposely avoid situations that scare me. Until October rolls around. Once October 1st hits, I can't be stopped. I want to watch scary movies, plan my halloween costume, eat candy corn, carve Jack'o'Lanterns and go to Halloween Horror Nights.

This years Halloween Horror Nights theme is AWESOME. It's Bloody Mary- and all of the scare zones and haunted houses are fairy tale themed (Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, etc). I'm almost tempted to sneak down to Orlando for a night while B and I are in Gainesville for the Fest... We'll see.

The Destroyer of Worlds

With such an epic title, what could this post be about?

Well my friends, it's about a board game.

Oh yes, my friends. It's Monopoly. And it is, in fact, the destroyer of worlds.

It's one of those games where someone is always really happy (because they're winning) and someone is always sad and sulky (because they're losing). When you play with two people, there is no in between. You will be one or the other. And if the person you're playing with happens to be the person you share a bed with, things just got even trickier.

B and I played this game on Saturday night. I happened to be person A, whereas B was person B. It gets to a point where being the person whose winning just isn't fun anymore. Soon after the game, we went to bed in a haze of tiny houses and multi-colored money.

Although, I must say, I never win at Monopoly, so this was pretty fun.

A Fickle Female

All I want to do is bake cupcakes, go to the gym and create crafty things.

Of course, a few months ago all I wanted to do was go to yoga class and explore Baltimore.

Before that I just wanted to sleep.

I seem to be quite fickle in the activities that I'm wholly consumed by. I'll run towards something full tilt for a while, but as soon as something happens to break my gait, that's it- I'm done. I can't seem to find the fervor that I once had for an activity.

I seem to lack the stamina to do anything for an extended period of time. Even the things I do for a while are sporadic. I've kept a livejournal since 2001 or so (although I'm on my second one. The first had to be deleted for issues I'd rather not go over...). There are whole months where I don't write anything.

Even as I write this, I'm losing interest in it. It took me all day to think of a topic (there are so many out there!) and it isn't even that intriguing. I could have written about a thousand things. Instead, I chose my lack of attention span.

Perhaps I'll get over this slump of not being able to pay attention.

I think that a better, more focused Cori is in order. It'll be easy enough...


Wait. What was I saying again? I saw something shiny.

ANYWAY, this upcoming Monday I have a tough decision when it comes to television: Watch the 3 hour long season premier of Heroes, or the hilarious half hour premier of How I Met Your Mother.

Any input?

a quick announcement.

I officially submitted my application for Teach For America.

We'll see how this goes.

::crosses fingers::

And to counteract this nervous little post, here is a picture of B at the Renaissance Festival this past Sunday. He's about to participate in battle ax throwing.

Surprise!

Well, it turns out that the big highlight of the weekend was Hampdenfest. While the Renaissance Festival was extremely fun, it was also extremely hot which made the day slightly less enjoyable.

What did we do at Hampdenfest, you ask? Well... We went to Atomic Books (for the first time ever!). How have I never been in this store before? It was fun and amazing! B got stuck in the trade paperback section (he ended up getting some Hellboy trade paperbacks and one Preacher one). T, from work, got stuck in the Tokidoki stuff, along with the Sanrio funness. And her boyfriend, S, got caught up in... well, I'm not sure what. But it was way expensive. Personally, I was looking at the Kid Robot vinyl toys. Goodness I love those. I ended up with a yummy breakfast keychain that is adorable! They do them blind box, so you never know what you're going to end up with (I really wanted the cupcake, but I ended up with the muffin).

I also want to go back to Atomic to pic up some zines- there were a few that looked quite interesting.

After that, we stopped at the Brewer's Art tent to grab some large plastic cupfull's of Ressurection. Man, I've told you guys about this beer before- it's still awesome. One of the most refreshing things after a long hike uphill from the Light Rail.

We also stopped at the B.E.S.T. tent to see what my favorite Baltimore Crafters are up to. B bought me a lovely pendant from The Broken Plate! I was quite excited about the whole thing, because The Broken Plate does some pretty kick ass, original stuff. While at the B.E.S.T. tent, I also donated some fabric to Art With A Heart (I'm also potentially going to be volunteering there. I'll let you know on Thursday).

We all ate at Holy Frijoles (B and I can't get enough of this place. It's too good!)

There wasn't too much going on after that. We walked around, perusing tents and shops (Including In Watermelon Sugar, my new favorite place to get yummy smelling things). After such a lovley day, we all took the Light Rail into the sunset.

A Fest-ful Weekend.

So far the plans for this weekend are shaping up pretty nicely.

Saturday is Hampdenfest. I'm going to be going with some of my coworkers. It'll be way fun! Local food, bands and crafts! Yep, The Baltimore Etsy Street Team (B.E.S.T.) and Charm City Craft Mafia will be there. I'm pretty darn excited.

Then on Sunday we're all going to the Renaissance Festival. Man, I haven't been to one of those in years! T, from work, was saying there's cheesecake on a stick. Huzzah!

Decisions, Decisions

Last week B and I had "the talk."

The "you've been graduated from college for a year now and you're still working in a company with no position for advancement" talk.

That's a hard talk to hear. And to agree with.

This past year, I've gone through so many different plans for the future. I'm going to Grad School to get my M.A. in English Lit. I'm going to Grad School to get my M.S. in Library Sciences. I'm never going to school again. I'm going to Culinary School in Baltimore. I'm going to Culinary School in New York City. I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to be a bartender. I'm going move to New York City. I'm going to live in Baltimore forever. I'm going to be an editor. I'm going to be a writer.

Well I've finally made a (semi)permanent decision. I'm getting my application ready to send into Teach for America. I'm going to try to get stationed in Baltimore. B and I are going to live in Hampden. B's going back to school.

I hope that this plan works out. Because while obsessively planning the future is borderline crazy, there is still a part of me that will never let go of the idea that I can be whatever I want when I grow up.

Don't Talk About It.

The topics that polarize people the most: religion and politics.

There is a whole generation of people who won't discuss either topic at work, or in the midst of polite company.

The thing is, if no one talks about these things, no one learns. We all get caught up in our own ideas and we forget how to listen. Granted, people will always be bogged down in their own ideas about religion and politics. You won't change anyones mind by simply talking- there needs to be an exchange of ideas taking place. The best you can hope for is to make the other person think. Just getting someone to think about what you're saying is a victory.

I wouldn't consider myself to be the most political person, but I'm hoping to change that.

I've gotten to thinking about this because of the upcoming election. And about the fact that it really pisses me off. Because the candidates are attempting to trick people, and many are falling for it. Somehow McCain's camp has gotten support from the Hilary supporters, all because of Palin. McCain's camp went "well, these people want a woman in the White House. I can give them the next best thing- a female VP. And there's a lady up in Alaska who is as far from the Democrats as possible, so she'll help my agenda and fulfill Hilary's role. Brilliant!" And the sickening part? It's working. There are women out there who will vote for a 72 year old man whose had 3 battles with cancer and could die pretty soon, leaving us with a neo-conservative uber rightist in the big chair.

If that happens, B and I are leaving the country. Officially.

Oh, for those of you who might end up here regularly, I've added a Rock the Vote widget to the right. If you aren't registered to vote, please please please please register. You can click the Rock the Vote box and register right now. It's super easy. Use the voice that you've been given. VOTE.

This Can't Be Good...

Well, a disturbing new trend has begun for me. The past few times I've ridden my bike, I've fallen.

Into bushes.

So far this has resulted in a bruise (only one? better than usual for me!), a scrapped knee, a bruised ego, dirt in my shoe, grass in my bike, my bike chain falling off (don't worry, I fixed it) and grease all over my hands since I fixed my bike chain.

Riding my bike around makes me feel like I'm 10 again, which was a nice time. So I think I'll go over a list of my favorite things from around that time:
1- Riding my bike
2- Playing Hide & Seek in the woods across from my friends house
3- Being the "Weather Girl" for the school news
4- Reading books that were way out of my level of understanding
5- Billy Joel
6- Lisa Frank
7- Hampsters
8- The Rocky Horror Picture Show
9- Kickball
10- "Got Milk?" ads

I would like to think that I was a pretty good combination of tom boy and girlie girl. But I really wasn't. I only wore dresses and skirts when forced to.

Cori's approach to fashion: Jeans & T-shirts can do no wrong. Fancy occasion? Jeans that aren't torn and a button up! ... perhaps this is why I always feel under dressed?

The Gym

So, when I was physically inactive I labored under the delusion that the gym was where people who aren't in shape go to get in shape.

Boy was I in for a shocker.

B and I joined the gym to get in shape. But whenever I go there, I just see all of these incredibly fit people, trying like hell to be even fitter (which, you know, good for them, but boo for me), and giving the evil eye to any shlub who dares touch their elliptical machine. After working out a whole bunch for the past few weeks, I think I might have even worse self esteem then before I started.

This is especially true when it comes to the classes offered by the gym. The first one I tried was an all body workout class. While I did work my entire body, I was definitely the least in shape in the class and I feel like I was constantly holding the class back or lagging behind. That was a night that I went home and cried. Last night I attempted a spinning class, for the first time. I thought I knew that it would be tough- but I really had no idea. This was the first time I've ever worked my body so hard to keep up with something to the point where I almost vomited. It was also the first time that I had to leave a class early because I just simply couldn't do it. The balls of my feet were aching, my knees were killing me and I thought that my heart was going to explode. Some classes operate under the idea that you should only go as fast as your slowest person- this was not one of those classes. I might have felt like I was lagging in the all body workout class, but I was seriously behind in this class. This was the second night that I went home and cried.

But I understand that it's an uphill battle. I've gotta keep pushing myself until I almost vomit, otherwise I will never be where I want to be.